How socially connected is your submission?
My submission is personal but I am open socially about it.
Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking?
I like to talk to other about our D/s or in general .
Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
We go to munches and public play parties and I am a member on Fetlife and I regularly post pictures of various things we have been up to.
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Sunday, 27 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 18
Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
I am expected to communicate verbally in the first instance and then written if I need to explain further..
I am expected to communicate verbally in the first instance and then written if I need to explain further..
Thursday, 17 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 17
What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
For me to submit to someone I have to trust them. I have played someone that does not use safewords as they are very good at reading their bottoms body language etc. Without trusting him I would never have been able to play with him, I know that he sometimes scares me witless and is an edge player but I trust him to know when to stop.
For me to submit to someone I have to trust them. I have played someone that does not use safewords as they are very good at reading their bottoms body language etc. Without trusting him I would never have been able to play with him, I know that he sometimes scares me witless and is an edge player but I trust him to know when to stop.
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 16
Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?
I has indeed, each relationship has bought out a new side of my submission.
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
It definately depends on the person for me.
I has indeed, each relationship has bought out a new side of my submission.
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
It definately depends on the person for me.
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Introverts
I didn't write this, Jerry Brito did. I love it!
TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
Monday, 14 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 15
Has your submission evolved over time?
Most definately
If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
I was initially attracted to the lifestyle as a form of foreplay, it almost always led to sex. However over the last 3 years as sex has been pretty much off the menu I have found that I have a taste for some of the more extreme forms of edgeplay. I like sharp and pointy things, I like not being able to breath and am curious about branding...
Most definately
If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
I was initially attracted to the lifestyle as a form of foreplay, it almost always led to sex. However over the last 3 years as sex has been pretty much off the menu I have found that I have a taste for some of the more extreme forms of edgeplay. I like sharp and pointy things, I like not being able to breath and am curious about branding...
Sunday, 13 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 14
Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
Definately not... I am Pagan and he is Agnostic.
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
I am not really familiar with religious submission other than the traditional christian wedding vow type of obidence/submission between husband and wife.
Definately not... I am Pagan and he is Agnostic.
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
I am not really familiar with religious submission other than the traditional christian wedding vow type of obidence/submission between husband and wife.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Protection
I don't usually make a big deal about what is on my Fetlife profile but sometimes I get a message from someone that just makes me want to rant... and I got one recently and it has been simmering at the back of my mind....
IdiotDom (as he shall be known) sent me a message out of the blue to tell me that there was no way that I could possibly be in a position to have Myou under my protection... WTF!!! We had never had any previous correspondence, he lives on another continent and his profile is one of those lovely ones with no info, no pics... basically a troll who likes to poke people to get a reaction. So I replied telling him to shove it and then blocked him and deleted the mail as I do for all randoms....
But it has made me think about what it all means to me. You see it pop up in the feed that person x is under the protection of person y or vice versa but no-one ever questions what this means. I think for me with Myou it is not something I am always conscious that I am doing, I have known him for nearly 16 years now and he has always needed looking after and protection as he is such a submissive that sometimes he doesn't know when to stand up for himself and sometimes is slightly afraid to as he worries about what people will think of him.
But I like to think that he knows that regardless of the situation that all he needs to do is come to me and I will be there for him. Be it physically putting myself into the situation to stop something happening, to shield him from something/someone, to negotitate something, as a comforting hand to hold or as has happened more recently as a keyholder in case he does something stupid and loses his master keys to the collar and cuffs. Or be it mentally, knowing that whatever happens I will not judge him, take the mick and laugh my ass off at him, sometimes yes, but never judge.
So back to 'IdiotDom', how the hell could he presume to know if I can or cannot protect my friend. It was something we decided between us and we both understand what it means to us and I will admit that sometimes it can be hard, knowing when to step in or when to make a decision he asks for or when to force him to make it himself, but we muddle along. He is mine to protect, poke, tease and look after, I can share and will be over the moon when he finds his special person(s) but until then I am the only one allowed to be mean to him without his permission, because he knows that I will never intentionally hurt him, embarrass yes, hurt no.
I also like to think that the people I have made friends with in scene know that they are welcome to come to me also, yes I am shy and not particularly social but I will always offer my arm to my friends that need it. I guess it is something that I was taught at a young age by hanging around too many forces guys, I was always told that if someone/something was bothering me that I was to find someone I trusted and tap them on the arm and ask for their arm, and then slide my arm through theirs. It was a universal but unwritten code for 'help me/protect me' and even if it was not obvious what was wrong I knew that whoever had offered their arm would be there for me.
Okay rant mostly over.... for now...
IdiotDom (as he shall be known) sent me a message out of the blue to tell me that there was no way that I could possibly be in a position to have Myou under my protection... WTF!!! We had never had any previous correspondence, he lives on another continent and his profile is one of those lovely ones with no info, no pics... basically a troll who likes to poke people to get a reaction. So I replied telling him to shove it and then blocked him and deleted the mail as I do for all randoms....
But it has made me think about what it all means to me. You see it pop up in the feed that person x is under the protection of person y or vice versa but no-one ever questions what this means. I think for me with Myou it is not something I am always conscious that I am doing, I have known him for nearly 16 years now and he has always needed looking after and protection as he is such a submissive that sometimes he doesn't know when to stand up for himself and sometimes is slightly afraid to as he worries about what people will think of him.
But I like to think that he knows that regardless of the situation that all he needs to do is come to me and I will be there for him. Be it physically putting myself into the situation to stop something happening, to shield him from something/someone, to negotitate something, as a comforting hand to hold or as has happened more recently as a keyholder in case he does something stupid and loses his master keys to the collar and cuffs. Or be it mentally, knowing that whatever happens I will not judge him, take the mick and laugh my ass off at him, sometimes yes, but never judge.
So back to 'IdiotDom', how the hell could he presume to know if I can or cannot protect my friend. It was something we decided between us and we both understand what it means to us and I will admit that sometimes it can be hard, knowing when to step in or when to make a decision he asks for or when to force him to make it himself, but we muddle along. He is mine to protect, poke, tease and look after, I can share and will be over the moon when he finds his special person(s) but until then I am the only one allowed to be mean to him without his permission, because he knows that I will never intentionally hurt him, embarrass yes, hurt no.
I also like to think that the people I have made friends with in scene know that they are welcome to come to me also, yes I am shy and not particularly social but I will always offer my arm to my friends that need it. I guess it is something that I was taught at a young age by hanging around too many forces guys, I was always told that if someone/something was bothering me that I was to find someone I trusted and tap them on the arm and ask for their arm, and then slide my arm through theirs. It was a universal but unwritten code for 'help me/protect me' and even if it was not obvious what was wrong I knew that whoever had offered their arm would be there for me.
Okay rant mostly over.... for now...
30 Days of Submission - Day 13
Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?
Unfortunately not!!! at least with Ste anyway...
Why or why not?
Ste is asexual so has no interest in sex whatsoever, however cuddle availability is part of my submission, he is a cuddle whore....
With Al this was part of my submission and although it did not happen often as we did not live together it was nice when it did. I enjoy sex so have never seen it as a chore.
Are there limits to this?
I have only ever been sexually available to my current partners but it had been discussed with one that I would become sexually available to others of his choosing, though I did have the right to decline but would have to take a punishment if I did. This idea intrigued me but we never actually acted on it.
Unfortunately not!!! at least with Ste anyway...
Why or why not?
Ste is asexual so has no interest in sex whatsoever, however cuddle availability is part of my submission, he is a cuddle whore....
With Al this was part of my submission and although it did not happen often as we did not live together it was nice when it did. I enjoy sex so have never seen it as a chore.
Are there limits to this?
I have only ever been sexually available to my current partners but it had been discussed with one that I would become sexually available to others of his choosing, though I did have the right to decline but would have to take a punishment if I did. This idea intrigued me but we never actually acted on it.
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 12
Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?
No we don't
If no, is there a particular reason why?
We run our relationship more along the lines of a traditional marriage money wise, all our money goes towards the bills and half of the left over is saved and the other half is play money.
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?
Yes, all money is controlled by the dominant partner, with rules in place controlling how much access the submissive has to funds and how it is spent.
Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
I believe that if it works for a particular couple then that is up to them.
No we don't
If no, is there a particular reason why?
We run our relationship more along the lines of a traditional marriage money wise, all our money goes towards the bills and half of the left over is saved and the other half is play money.
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?
Yes, all money is controlled by the dominant partner, with rules in place controlling how much access the submissive has to funds and how it is spent.
Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
I believe that if it works for a particular couple then that is up to them.
Sunday, 6 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 11
Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
I guess that I do, I do all the household chores apart from the mowing of the lawn, I ensure the household runs smoothly and S is fed well.
How do you define service?
For me it is anything that allows our household to run smoothly and keeps S happy.
What does it mean to you?
Usually that means that he gets to come home and do nothing more than play WoW or whatever game is obsessing him at that moment.
I guess that I do, I do all the household chores apart from the mowing of the lawn, I ensure the household runs smoothly and S is fed well.
How do you define service?
For me it is anything that allows our household to run smoothly and keeps S happy.
What does it mean to you?
Usually that means that he gets to come home and do nothing more than play WoW or whatever game is obsessing him at that moment.
Saturday, 5 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 10
Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?
All 4 elelments of BDSM are present in my relationship at the moment.
How do you feel about BDSM?
BONDAGE - Rope, leather cuffs, collars - I have them all in the toy box and love them all too...
DOMINATION - I do love a man who knows how to put me in my place and keep me there.
SADO - You want to be mean and hurt me... yes please!!!
MASOCHISM - Pain just flat does it for me, it makes my girl parts quiver in the nicest ways
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Definately a core part of my submission....
All 4 elelments of BDSM are present in my relationship at the moment.
How do you feel about BDSM?
BONDAGE - Rope, leather cuffs, collars - I have them all in the toy box and love them all too...
DOMINATION - I do love a man who knows how to put me in my place and keep me there.
SADO - You want to be mean and hurt me... yes please!!!
MASOCHISM - Pain just flat does it for me, it makes my girl parts quiver in the nicest ways
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Definately a core part of my submission....
Friday, 4 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 9
Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission?
I do expect structure, rules and limits as part of my submission.
How do you feel about them?
I find that without the structure I start to feel lost in a short space of time. I don't have many rules but the few I do have give me that room to push and pull and make me feel loved...
I do expect structure, rules and limits as part of my submission.
How do you feel about them?
I find that without the structure I start to feel lost in a short space of time. I don't have many rules but the few I do have give me that room to push and pull and make me feel loved...
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 8
Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission?
Corporal punishment is indeed part of my submission and I enjoy it all....
Why or why not?
It is part of my submission as I feel the need for the pain. I find that the pain helps me to focus my mind and control my emotions, if I am having issues then it centres my thought process and often helps me work through whatever it is that is bothering me.
Corporal punishment is indeed part of my submission and I enjoy it all....
Why or why not?
It is part of my submission as I feel the need for the pain. I find that the pain helps me to focus my mind and control my emotions, if I am having issues then it centres my thought process and often helps me work through whatever it is that is bothering me.
Sunday, 29 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 7
Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission?
I do expect and accept both discipline and punishments as part of my relationship.
How do you feel about it?
I find that if I don't receive a discipline session every few weeks I get antsy and grumpy. They help to ground me and leave me at peace, if I have any issues I am working through then I find that the beating acts as catharsis.
I do expect and accept both discipline and punishments as part of my relationship.
How do you feel about it?
I find that if I don't receive a discipline session every few weeks I get antsy and grumpy. They help to ground me and leave me at peace, if I have any issues I am working through then I find that the beating acts as catharsis.
Saturday, 28 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 6
What do you feel are the roots of your submission?
I don't know what the roots of my submission are. I have thought back before but I cannot pinpoint where I discovered that it just flat does it for me. I know that when I was in a physically abusive relationship I hated every minute of it and it took a lot of therapy to get over it...
Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Not really, I had a good childhood and yes I got spanked if I was naughty but I honestly don't think that has influenced my adult desires.
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
We do not use our D/s relationship in a domestic discipline way.
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
Oh yeah!!!!!!!
I don't know what the roots of my submission are. I have thought back before but I cannot pinpoint where I discovered that it just flat does it for me. I know that when I was in a physically abusive relationship I hated every minute of it and it took a lot of therapy to get over it...
Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Not really, I had a good childhood and yes I got spanked if I was naughty but I honestly don't think that has influenced my adult desires.
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
We do not use our D/s relationship in a domestic discipline way.
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
Oh yeah!!!!!!!
Thursday, 26 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 5
Day 5
Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
I am currently in a D/s relationship and have been for nearly 3 years, however I am still learning and growing.
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?
This is my 4th D/s relationship.
How were they the same?
They are the same in the fact that I am happier in a D/s relationship than I am in a vanilla one.
How were they different?
They have all been very different. Jay was my first venture into this world and was what I would now consider nearly vanilla, a bit of spanking and he was controlling in that nummy way. Tray was that step further, he was more in control of my actions and we went from spanking to caning. Then I met Al and he held my hand as I stepped into the public scene and he introduced me to people who have helped me learn so many fun things.... Then there is Ste, he has collared me and although he has a lot to learn he is eager and we are learning together.
What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
Me... As much as you can look at other relationships and try to emulate them each relationship is unique to me, I can never make them the same as someone else's.
Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
I am currently in a D/s relationship and have been for nearly 3 years, however I am still learning and growing.
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?
This is my 4th D/s relationship.
How were they the same?
They are the same in the fact that I am happier in a D/s relationship than I am in a vanilla one.
How were they different?
They have all been very different. Jay was my first venture into this world and was what I would now consider nearly vanilla, a bit of spanking and he was controlling in that nummy way. Tray was that step further, he was more in control of my actions and we went from spanking to caning. Then I met Al and he held my hand as I stepped into the public scene and he introduced me to people who have helped me learn so many fun things.... Then there is Ste, he has collared me and although he has a lot to learn he is eager and we are learning together.
What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
Me... As much as you can look at other relationships and try to emulate them each relationship is unique to me, I can never make them the same as someone else's.
Saturday, 21 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 4
Day 4
Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
I do not switch into a dominant role within our relationship. I have flogged Ste but only because he enjoys it and I wanted to make him feel good. Outside the house I do assume a dominant role in the workplace as if I didn't the engineers would walk all over me. Generically though I am pretty neutral when out and about, I am neither dom nor sub.
If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over?
Not really in a DD relationship but around the house I maintain control over the money, housework, cooking and cleaning, in otherwords pretty much everything :D
Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
I am not a switch and have sometimes thought I might have the dom tendancies lurking under the surface but at the moment they have not surfacing, but you never know.
Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
I do not switch into a dominant role within our relationship. I have flogged Ste but only because he enjoys it and I wanted to make him feel good. Outside the house I do assume a dominant role in the workplace as if I didn't the engineers would walk all over me. Generically though I am pretty neutral when out and about, I am neither dom nor sub.
If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over?
Not really in a DD relationship but around the house I maintain control over the money, housework, cooking and cleaning, in otherwords pretty much everything :D
Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
I am not a switch and have sometimes thought I might have the dom tendancies lurking under the surface but at the moment they have not surfacing, but you never know.
Spag Bolognese Recipe
I know I usually use this blog for my thoughts, kink related stuff but today I was making a spag bol and thought I should document the receipe.
500g Extra Lean Steak Mince
2 tins Chopped Tomatoes
150g Mushroom
2 Large Onions
Dried Herbs of own choice (I use Italian Mixed, Basil, Sage and Tarragon)
Dash of Soy Sauce/Worcester Sauce
2 Garlic Cloves, minced or Garlic Powder to taste
Method
1. Brown mince, I dry fry the mince in a large frying pan.
5. When mushrooms and onions are cooked, add to the pan. Cover and simmer for roughly 2 hours, stirring occasionally
This makes 5 portions and works out to 198cals per portion
500g Extra Lean Steak Mince
2 tins Chopped Tomatoes
150g Mushroom
2 Large Onions
Dried Herbs of own choice (I use Italian Mixed, Basil, Sage and Tarragon)
Dash of Soy Sauce/Worcester Sauce
2 Garlic Cloves, minced or Garlic Powder to taste
1. Brown mince, I dry fry the mince in a large frying pan.
2. Put tomatoes, herbs and soy sauce in large saucepan. Bring to a simmer
3. Slice mushrooms, onions and sautee until they start to go soft, I sprinkle Aromat on while they are cooking to bring out the flavours.
4. Add to mince mix in pan, stir well
5. When mushrooms and onions are cooked, add to the pan. Cover and simmer for roughly 2 hours, stirring occasionally
6. Portion out and either enjoy immediately or freeze for a quick dinner
This makes 5 portions and works out to 198cals per portion
Friday, 20 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 3
Day 3
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?
I think it isn't something that I can explain, I have always known that I have submissive tendancies. How that submission expresses itself varies and has changed over time but when it happens it is as if my mind goes to a contented, happy place and I feel at peace.
How do you feel when you express your submission?
Content, plain and simply content
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?
I think it isn't something that I can explain, I have always known that I have submissive tendancies. How that submission expresses itself varies and has changed over time but when it happens it is as if my mind goes to a contented, happy place and I feel at peace.
How do you feel when you express your submission?
Content, plain and simply content
Thursday, 19 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 2
Day 2 – Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
Okay am going to tackle this on in portions as although they are all separate they sort of overlap at points, confusing I know but I am a confusing kind of girl....
Describe who you might submit to and how?
I primarily submit to Ste as he is the boss in this relationship and the fact we live together. I also submit to other members of our poly family when we are together, both in a physical capacity and also as the house girl, it has been a while since I have done so and with them all being in London now I do not know how the dynamic has changed as we have not all been together for over a year.
Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?
I am only submissive to specific people, in general life I am very forthright with my outlook and opinions and working in engineering I don't take any nonsense, this generally leads to my boys seeing me as quite domly. But around certain individuals who I trust and respect my submissive side does come out, be it to take some pain as the masochistic side comes to the fore or in a service orientated nature.
Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life?
I am submissive throughout my life but whether or not people see it is another thing entirely....
Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
I am willing to be submissive to play partners as long as I know them, I have issues being submissive to people I do not know. However I do not mind bottoming as a masochist to people I do not know quite so well, sometimes I have only just met them, but as long as someone I respect can vouch for them I am happy to let them hurt me in such wonderful ways....
Okay am going to tackle this on in portions as although they are all separate they sort of overlap at points, confusing I know but I am a confusing kind of girl....
Describe who you might submit to and how?
I primarily submit to Ste as he is the boss in this relationship and the fact we live together. I also submit to other members of our poly family when we are together, both in a physical capacity and also as the house girl, it has been a while since I have done so and with them all being in London now I do not know how the dynamic has changed as we have not all been together for over a year.
Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?
I am only submissive to specific people, in general life I am very forthright with my outlook and opinions and working in engineering I don't take any nonsense, this generally leads to my boys seeing me as quite domly. But around certain individuals who I trust and respect my submissive side does come out, be it to take some pain as the masochistic side comes to the fore or in a service orientated nature.
Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life?
I am submissive throughout my life but whether or not people see it is another thing entirely....
Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
I am willing to be submissive to play partners as long as I know them, I have issues being submissive to people I do not know. However I do not mind bottoming as a masochist to people I do not know quite so well, sometimes I have only just met them, but as long as someone I respect can vouch for them I am happy to let them hurt me in such wonderful ways....
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 1
Day 1 – Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I guess that me and Ste have never put a name to what it is we do. It started as him being curious so it was a top/bottom relationship on top of our existing one and over time it has evolved into a D/s style relationship and one day it may well become M/s as Ste is slowly finiding his feet and we are finding out how we want it to work between us.
I guess I just prefer not to label what we have as it just is!! I know that slowly he is influencing more and more of how I live. I have never owned so many dresses and skirts since I started being able to pick my own clothes 20 odd years ago. I actually find myself wanting to be more feminine around him.
When I am with Al I find that I slip into more of a service sub role and I think that is shown in the fact that I am his House Girl. I want to look after him, cook, clean and generally make sure he has everything that he needs to get on with day to day life. This also extends to anyone who is in the house as well.
And then when I play with others I find myself slipping into a bottoming headspace, I am submissive to them for the duration of the play but afterwards I am back to being just plain old me.
I guess that me and Ste have never put a name to what it is we do. It started as him being curious so it was a top/bottom relationship on top of our existing one and over time it has evolved into a D/s style relationship and one day it may well become M/s as Ste is slowly finiding his feet and we are finding out how we want it to work between us.
I guess I just prefer not to label what we have as it just is!! I know that slowly he is influencing more and more of how I live. I have never owned so many dresses and skirts since I started being able to pick my own clothes 20 odd years ago. I actually find myself wanting to be more feminine around him.
When I am with Al I find that I slip into more of a service sub role and I think that is shown in the fact that I am his House Girl. I want to look after him, cook, clean and generally make sure he has everything that he needs to get on with day to day life. This also extends to anyone who is in the house as well.
And then when I play with others I find myself slipping into a bottoming headspace, I am submissive to them for the duration of the play but afterwards I am back to being just plain old me.
30 Days of Submission
I found this while surfing some blogs on tumblr and thought it was interesting. While it’s a 30-day question thing, it seems to have a lot more than just 30 questions since most of the questions are multipart questions.
So I’m posting the list of questions here for others who might be interested in doing this…
The Questions
So I’m posting the list of questions here for others who might be interested in doing this…
The Questions
- Day 1 – Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
- Day 2 – Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
- Day 3 – How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
- Day 4 – Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
- Day 5 – Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
- Day 6 – What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
- Day 7 – Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
- Day 8 – Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
- Day 9 – Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
- Day 10 – Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
- Day 11 – Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
- Day 12 – Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
- Day 13 – Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
- Day 14 – Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
- Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
- Day 16 – Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
- Day 17 – What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
- Day 18 – Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
- Day 19 – How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
- Day 20 – Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
- Day 21 – Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
- Day 22 – Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
- Day 23 – Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
- Day 24 – What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
- Day 25 – Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
- Day 26 – What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
- Day 27 – Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
- Day 28 – Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.
- Day 29 – Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
- Day 30 – Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?
Saturday, 7 April 2012
More Ramblings
Well it took me so long to write out yesterdays brain mess that I ended up not going to bed until gone midnight... And I am still not sure if I sorted it all out to my satisfaction in my own head.
I know that I care for him, I have done for 3 years now, true it is not what I thought would happen when I contacted him. I was still exploring the lovely world of kink and I was trying to connect with people in the area and he was one of the first I noticed the profile of and had to go back to it over and over again until I managed to pluck up the courage to contact him...
Little did I know where it would lead, the things he would introduce me to, the people I would meet because of him. I have a whole new family who I would do anything for, they have seen me at my worst and still been there for me, they put up with the craziness that mum dying and the subsequent anti-depressant induced haze..
When he left it hurt and more so than I thought it would. But over the last year I have managed to seal that part of me off and I think that not having any contact, even if it was not intentional or my choice. And then knowing that I had sent the e-mail and got no response it shut it off that little bit more, I no longer cried when I thought about him and what I had lost when he moved away. But then knowing I had to see him, because I knew there was no choice.
And then when I saw him and got that hug, it opened it all back up. There is something about him that I can't hide myself from, no matter how hard I try.... I know that if Kat read this she would be over here in an instant to kick my ass as she thinks that I need to forget about him and concentrate on Ste but she can only think from a mono PoV and she has never really understoof how I can love them both at the same time.
But when we spoke I felt some of the old feeling resurfacing and then knowing that he has actually replied to the e-mail just as a handwritten letter instead of an e-mail, I now want to know what is in the letter but I guess I will not find out until he actually posts it to me..... I am just feeling impatient now...
I know that I care for him, I have done for 3 years now, true it is not what I thought would happen when I contacted him. I was still exploring the lovely world of kink and I was trying to connect with people in the area and he was one of the first I noticed the profile of and had to go back to it over and over again until I managed to pluck up the courage to contact him...
Little did I know where it would lead, the things he would introduce me to, the people I would meet because of him. I have a whole new family who I would do anything for, they have seen me at my worst and still been there for me, they put up with the craziness that mum dying and the subsequent anti-depressant induced haze..
When he left it hurt and more so than I thought it would. But over the last year I have managed to seal that part of me off and I think that not having any contact, even if it was not intentional or my choice. And then knowing that I had sent the e-mail and got no response it shut it off that little bit more, I no longer cried when I thought about him and what I had lost when he moved away. But then knowing I had to see him, because I knew there was no choice.
And then when I saw him and got that hug, it opened it all back up. There is something about him that I can't hide myself from, no matter how hard I try.... I know that if Kat read this she would be over here in an instant to kick my ass as she thinks that I need to forget about him and concentrate on Ste but she can only think from a mono PoV and she has never really understoof how I can love them both at the same time.
But when we spoke I felt some of the old feeling resurfacing and then knowing that he has actually replied to the e-mail just as a handwritten letter instead of an e-mail, I now want to know what is in the letter but I guess I will not find out until he actually posts it to me..... I am just feeling impatient now...
Friday, 6 April 2012
Tough Day
Well today was both harder and easier than I thought it would be.
I knew that seeing him would be hard after a whole year of nothing and I will admit that I was very nervous about it. I know how my brain is and having sent the e-mail last month and getting nothing back I didn't know how he was going to react when I saw him...
So yesterday I was nervous but I was able to control it mostly, I went to work and got on with it. After a hellish week I went to the pub at lunch and whilst I managed to avoid ordering a large drink I did succumb to a fried chicken burger and it was delicious.... however after that the nerves got the better of me I just couldn't eat anything else.
I know that Ste was worried about it as he knows all the issues I have had in the past with not eating etc.... But after mucho stubborness he relented and I think realised what the reason was so he let me get away with not eating for the evening. However the nerves were still there this morning so when he suggested that we had a McDonalds breakfast I could only face a bagel and we had a discussion about it as he wanted me to have a Big Breakfast due to not eating the night before, but there was no way that I could face eating that much. So sent him with instructions to get a bagel, and he came back with 2 of them....
I ate one and 12 hrs later the other one is still on the table next to me, I know it is a waste of food and money but I only asked for one, he went and bought 2 of his own violition. I think that he forgets I am not like him and that even if it is in front of me I can ignore food if I do not want it...
So by the time we got to the pub at 2.30 I had still only had the bagel but my guts were churning as I didn't know what to expect from him when I walked in. But after ordering food and drinks I said hi and hugs were given then I kind of retreated and stood with Ste while he ate and we spoke to MG and some of the others...
After about an hour I was able to gather up enough of myself and go talk to him, and it was nice, I found that I can't stay mad at him when he is in front of me, I can't seem to keep the level of emotion I feel when I am sat here at home. He said that he has written me a letter that he meant to bring with him but forgot to pack it, apparently it is on the table in front of the fridge....
I knew that seeing him would be hard after a whole year of nothing and I will admit that I was very nervous about it. I know how my brain is and having sent the e-mail last month and getting nothing back I didn't know how he was going to react when I saw him...
So yesterday I was nervous but I was able to control it mostly, I went to work and got on with it. After a hellish week I went to the pub at lunch and whilst I managed to avoid ordering a large drink I did succumb to a fried chicken burger and it was delicious.... however after that the nerves got the better of me I just couldn't eat anything else.
I know that Ste was worried about it as he knows all the issues I have had in the past with not eating etc.... But after mucho stubborness he relented and I think realised what the reason was so he let me get away with not eating for the evening. However the nerves were still there this morning so when he suggested that we had a McDonalds breakfast I could only face a bagel and we had a discussion about it as he wanted me to have a Big Breakfast due to not eating the night before, but there was no way that I could face eating that much. So sent him with instructions to get a bagel, and he came back with 2 of them....
I ate one and 12 hrs later the other one is still on the table next to me, I know it is a waste of food and money but I only asked for one, he went and bought 2 of his own violition. I think that he forgets I am not like him and that even if it is in front of me I can ignore food if I do not want it...
So by the time we got to the pub at 2.30 I had still only had the bagel but my guts were churning as I didn't know what to expect from him when I walked in. But after ordering food and drinks I said hi and hugs were given then I kind of retreated and stood with Ste while he ate and we spoke to MG and some of the others...
After about an hour I was able to gather up enough of myself and go talk to him, and it was nice, I found that I can't stay mad at him when he is in front of me, I can't seem to keep the level of emotion I feel when I am sat here at home. He said that he has written me a letter that he meant to bring with him but forgot to pack it, apparently it is on the table in front of the fridge....
Monday, 6 February 2012
Day 1 - Food Glorious Food
Well I've finished the first day on the new 1250 cal diet the nurse wants me to follow for 2 weeks and I have to say that even though I am bloody hungry now it has not been as hard as I thought it might be... I have ended the day at 1243 cal intake so just within the limit, am rather pleased as it is a smaller amount than you might think...
Not sure how I am going to feel after 2 weeks of this but I imagine that I will be craving something decent to eat and grouchy... But the fitness pal website reckons if I could keep it up for 5 weeks I would lose 12lbs.... tempting in theory but I have to admit that I don't know if I could do it long term..
Then again I find myself slipping into obsessive mode over calories, I know that if I donb't control this then I will slip back into some very bad eating habits. Must just keep an eye on myself....
Not sure how I am going to feel after 2 weeks of this but I imagine that I will be craving something decent to eat and grouchy... But the fitness pal website reckons if I could keep it up for 5 weeks I would lose 12lbs.... tempting in theory but I have to admit that I don't know if I could do it long term..
Then again I find myself slipping into obsessive mode over calories, I know that if I donb't control this then I will slip back into some very bad eating habits. Must just keep an eye on myself....
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Life of Fet
This time 3 years ago I first discovered that I was not the only person who had deep, dark, disturbed thoughts about submission, pain and domination. I had been talking to a friend who I knew was sort of into the same things as me and he mentioned Fetlife to me and encouraged me to sign up and explore.
So when I got home I signed up and added him to my friends, spent hours trying to write the intro message and then started exploring by typing in my home city.... and boy there were a lot of results... were there really that many kinky people in my area. So I clicked on a few likely suspects and then after reading various profiles I started looking at the forums and oh boy, I was soooo not alone...
Little did I know that this first small step would be the start of a weird and wonderful adventure that would take me to places I had only imagined and to meet people who would teach/show/allow me to experience things I had only imagined.
Looking back I wish that there were things I could tell 28 year old me about the journey, I wouldn't listen to myself but I wish I could...
I also wish I could warn her that in a few weeks her world is going to be turned on it's head and she is going to lose one of the most important people in her life, and 6 weeks after that is going to finally pluck up the courage to kick her worthless boyfriend out the house. But with the support of your new poly family, friends and a bucket load of drugs from the docs, combined with counselling you will make it through.
Over the next 3 years you will lose weight, put it back on, sort out the sinusitus only to have it come back, you will change job... 3 times..... you will get a new boyfriend, you already know him. You will try things that if I told you what they are now, you would run screaming into the hills and call me a loony... but you will do it, and you will enjoy the ride...
So when I got home I signed up and added him to my friends, spent hours trying to write the intro message and then started exploring by typing in my home city.... and boy there were a lot of results... were there really that many kinky people in my area. So I clicked on a few likely suspects and then after reading various profiles I started looking at the forums and oh boy, I was soooo not alone...
Little did I know that this first small step would be the start of a weird and wonderful adventure that would take me to places I had only imagined and to meet people who would teach/show/allow me to experience things I had only imagined.
Looking back I wish that there were things I could tell 28 year old me about the journey, I wouldn't listen to myself but I wish I could...
I also wish I could warn her that in a few weeks her world is going to be turned on it's head and she is going to lose one of the most important people in her life, and 6 weeks after that is going to finally pluck up the courage to kick her worthless boyfriend out the house. But with the support of your new poly family, friends and a bucket load of drugs from the docs, combined with counselling you will make it through.
Over the next 3 years you will lose weight, put it back on, sort out the sinusitus only to have it come back, you will change job... 3 times..... you will get a new boyfriend, you already know him. You will try things that if I told you what they are now, you would run screaming into the hills and call me a loony... but you will do it, and you will enjoy the ride...
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