*bounces* amazing what a difference a day can make.....
Spent a few hours with Al tonight and all we did was sit and talk and it has made me so chilled.... All the crap that has been going through my head has gone....
We talked about allsorts of things but one of the main things that he wanted to run past me was the idea of all of us moving in together. Was a bit of a shock but after talking about it I can see all the plus sides and getting to see them both everyday would be fab. Apparently he has been talking about it with Jo but they wanted to run the idea past me before deciding anything....
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
28th July 2009
Well the other day the sharp and pointy things got the better of me and I have some lovely new shiny scars on my leg. I managed to stop before any blood was really drawn but I do have a lovely bruise from the foot scraper and I had a lovely scraped patch that has left some interesting marks that have pretty much faded.
I also had a play with my athame and that is what has left the scars, which is odd really as there were none at the time just some red lines, but now if the light catches them there are some shiny scars... I know that I should be ashamed of thembut I am actually liking them.
Won't be making any more though as I put all the stuff in a carrier bag and ran out the house and gave them to Al to get rid of. I know that what I do is wrong and that it is a bad place to be in but recetnly I have found that I am slipping back into that place more and more often....
I also had a play with my athame and that is what has left the scars, which is odd really as there were none at the time just some red lines, but now if the light catches them there are some shiny scars... I know that I should be ashamed of thembut I am actually liking them.
Won't be making any more though as I put all the stuff in a carrier bag and ran out the house and gave them to Al to get rid of. I know that what I do is wrong and that it is a bad place to be in but recetnly I have found that I am slipping back into that place more and more often....
Monday, 27 July 2009
27th July 2009
Okay well have seen Al twice over the weekend, once when he took me and Jo to the wedding reception and when we went to the CMunch on Sunday.
When he saw my outfit for the wedding he did the whole wow thing, the skirt is wonderful and I love it, and he was affectionate and all...
Then on Sunday we all went to the CMunch and again he was affectionate to an extent but I still feel put out. When he was introducing me to people it was as his sub which does make me feel good but other than social settings he doesn't seem to want to see me at the moment and that makes me feel kinda crappy....
I wish I knew why, I know I have had issues the last few months and that he is going through a hard time both with life in general and with his relationship with Jo. I think it is cos of the way it has happened. He has stopped almost all contact other than organising stuff, he doesn't want to see me (as I said previously I don't even mind the no play thing) If he just wants a sub that would be fine, I don't need a romantic relationship, but then I would still want a bit more contact than this....
Anyway the demo at the CMunch was awesome... knifeplay... *drool* watching it was so hot, was just thinking WOW for most of it. I would love to have that done to me, it looked like a total mindfuck but still *drool*
When he saw my outfit for the wedding he did the whole wow thing, the skirt is wonderful and I love it, and he was affectionate and all...
Then on Sunday we all went to the CMunch and again he was affectionate to an extent but I still feel put out. When he was introducing me to people it was as his sub which does make me feel good but other than social settings he doesn't seem to want to see me at the moment and that makes me feel kinda crappy....
I wish I knew why, I know I have had issues the last few months and that he is going through a hard time both with life in general and with his relationship with Jo. I think it is cos of the way it has happened. He has stopped almost all contact other than organising stuff, he doesn't want to see me (as I said previously I don't even mind the no play thing) If he just wants a sub that would be fine, I don't need a romantic relationship, but then I would still want a bit more contact than this....
Anyway the demo at the CMunch was awesome... knifeplay... *drool* watching it was so hot, was just thinking WOW for most of it. I would love to have that done to me, it looked like a total mindfuck but still *drool*
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Damn and Double Damn
Well have had the day from hell today and the poem below came out of it.
I thought these voices had gone,
Purged from my soul for good.
But now they are resurfacing
Worming into my mind.
I try so hard to resist them
but their whispers are so sweet.
They offer me relief from these stresses
and they make it sound so simple.
I wish I could cry and scream and lash out
But I can't
So the voices start again.....
It has been a while since I felt like this, torn between crying, lashing out and cutting myself. God the urge was so very strong but I have managed to resist so far but it is still lurking there at the back of my mind....
damn, damn and double damn....
I thought these voices had gone,
Purged from my soul for good.
But now they are resurfacing
Worming into my mind.
I try so hard to resist them
but their whispers are so sweet.
They offer me relief from these stresses
and they make it sound so simple.
I wish I could cry and scream and lash out
But I can't
So the voices start again.....
It has been a while since I felt like this, torn between crying, lashing out and cutting myself. God the urge was so very strong but I have managed to resist so far but it is still lurking there at the back of my mind....
damn, damn and double damn....
Monday, 20 July 2009
Meep
Okay I sent Sir an e-mail that was pretty much a modified version of the post below and I am sooooooo very nervous. I know that he has read it as Jo has told me that he has, but he hasn't said anything to me... I hope that I didn't come off as a petulant child.... wibble flump turnip.....
Saturday, 18 July 2009
RAWR
Okay rant time......
I know that I am only the sub in this poly amily and that I am not his main girl but god damn it I want some time with him... Since we played on 20th April I have spent the grand total of 1 evening (listening to him talk through some troubles he was mulling over) and 1 fet night, and yes we played for about 20 minutes but then the corset got the better of me and I came over all light headed.
I love spending time alone with the Mrs, we go on dates and chill out together and I know tht he encourages this. Heck when I was talking to him when they were having problems he did tell me that he wanted to sort their romantic relationship out before we took ours any further and that he wanted to keep it to just the M/s side of things and I understand and accept that. He also wants to give me and the Mrs some time to develop our romantic relationship.
He is my Sir and I do care for him and I get why he wants to do it this way and that is not the part that is getting to me. The part that is getting to me and making me feel slightly crazy jealous is that in the last month I have had 20 mins time with him and about 20 mins were he was making sure that I wasn't about to pass out. God the feel of his hands on me when we were playing when he was stroking my shoulders after the initial flogging made me want to melt, heck I think I did melt against his hands.
Is it too much to ask for some time with my Sir... I can live without the sex, the dating and all that malarky. I know that the Mrs is the top girl and that I am secondary to her but *RAWR* I want so damned attention and time... Just a few hours, is it too much to ask, really......
I know that I am only the sub in this poly amily and that I am not his main girl but god damn it I want some time with him... Since we played on 20th April I have spent the grand total of 1 evening (listening to him talk through some troubles he was mulling over) and 1 fet night, and yes we played for about 20 minutes but then the corset got the better of me and I came over all light headed.
I love spending time alone with the Mrs, we go on dates and chill out together and I know tht he encourages this. Heck when I was talking to him when they were having problems he did tell me that he wanted to sort their romantic relationship out before we took ours any further and that he wanted to keep it to just the M/s side of things and I understand and accept that. He also wants to give me and the Mrs some time to develop our romantic relationship.
He is my Sir and I do care for him and I get why he wants to do it this way and that is not the part that is getting to me. The part that is getting to me and making me feel slightly crazy jealous is that in the last month I have had 20 mins time with him and about 20 mins were he was making sure that I wasn't about to pass out. God the feel of his hands on me when we were playing when he was stroking my shoulders after the initial flogging made me want to melt, heck I think I did melt against his hands.
Is it too much to ask for some time with my Sir... I can live without the sex, the dating and all that malarky. I know that the Mrs is the top girl and that I am secondary to her but *RAWR* I want so damned attention and time... Just a few hours, is it too much to ask, really......
Monday, 13 July 2009
Dark Attic
Well on Saturday we all went to the Dark Attic for school night.
The fluffy skirt, frilled ankles socks, gingham blouse and corset went down a storm and the ruby red slippers were a hit as always :)
Unfortunately we discovered that as comfy as the corset was that playing in it is not a good idea, after about 15mins I started to get very light headed and we had to stop and we sat on the bed until I recovered. After I had got back to normal the 3 of us were sat on the bed and I have to admit to a certain amount of groppage, but who can blame me, Izzy was smoking hot!!
All in all a pretty good night, and the stares we got in the take away on the way home were amusing...
The fluffy skirt, frilled ankles socks, gingham blouse and corset went down a storm and the ruby red slippers were a hit as always :)
Unfortunately we discovered that as comfy as the corset was that playing in it is not a good idea, after about 15mins I started to get very light headed and we had to stop and we sat on the bed until I recovered. After I had got back to normal the 3 of us were sat on the bed and I have to admit to a certain amount of groppage, but who can blame me, Izzy was smoking hot!!
All in all a pretty good night, and the stares we got in the take away on the way home were amusing...
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