Getting There

Okay so me and Ste are still working through the issues he has but I think we are at least making headway with things now....  I was being bratty earlier and he mean to say 'Stop that or I won't tie you down and beat you' but he missed out the 'won't'... So I just grinned, stuck my tongue out and carried on, thinking he would do his usual 'I didn't mean that'... But he came over, grabbed me by the hair and manhandled me into the bedroom...

I still thought he was still mucky about like normal and would give me a few swats and then go and play WoW but boy was I wrong....

Once he had got me tied down nice and secure he actually beat me... and not just for a few minutes, we were in there for over an hour.  He started out with the floggers to bring all the blood to the surface and then moved onto the kando sticks, the carriage whip and then through all 3 anes, ending with the dragon cane.

And for once he wasn't gentle and hesitant, he was mean and did what he wanted and I had no damn say in it... He beat me until I almost cried...

Below are the nice rope marks and cane marks he left :D

Okay so the last few weeks have been a tough few for me.  I don't know why the depression hit me again but it did and boy was it a doozy.

More than normal I felt the need to really push people away and just retreat into myself.  And it was everyone that I was pushing away, Ste, Al, Dad, Kat.... Everyone...

But I am lucky that Ste is a stubborn bugger and wouldn't let me cut him out too much and we have been working on the whole bunch of issues he has surrounding sex.  But they are going to take months to work through it is definately not a quick fix, but we are getting there.  He has got over most of his issues with giving me pleasure so at least that part is being satisfied.

And this last week I have realised that cutting myself off from everyone is only really hurting me.  So I am working at building back up all the ties that I had started to ignore.