Complications

Well life was going well..... but after a fantastic easter weekend I am having to rethink one of the relationships I am a part of.

I spent the weekend with the whole of my poly family and it was a wonderful and fulfilling time for us all, but deep in the dark parts of my mind that I don't let anyone into I have to admit that I felt on the outside of it all for most of the weekend.  Not because I was not included, I was, heck I was the one feeding the troops and they offered help and assistance at every turn.  But I was the only one that was not getting more than the most basic of their needs filled.

A - He got to have the whole family together, be happy playing with S and K and M, bonding with T and F, tormenting P.

M & T - Got to spend quality kinky time together and time with the family, they played with us and on their own, both went away with smiles.

S - Our newest member of the family, she has come out of a bad relationship and needed the support and friendship we can offer.  She was played with and offered a place in this mad house we call a family.

K - Was only with us for a day and night but she enjoyed it, got played with and got to spend her first night with her Master.

P - Annoying as he may be, he got to be played with, the wait on us and to be tormented by us all.  He loved it and went away all sparkly.

F - Got to spend the weekend with the family being accepted and loved, this is his primay need. 

Me - I got a lot out of spending the weekend with the family and I loved being the one to cook for them all.  I got to fulfill the caretaker need I have.  I knew that I would not get a lot of time with A because he was looking after everyone and had S & K to play with and I have F. 

But I other than a quick play with the violet wand, which we all played with as a family, I did not get any one on one time with etiher F or A.  As said I expected the no time with A and it was cute to watch him with S & K, but I got nothing from F.  And it is not just this weekend, he shows no compunction to play with me, ever.  If there are people around he may give me a swat on the butt or pull my hair a bit but if it is just the 2 of us then he sinks into WoW and I get ignored. 

He knows that I want sex, it has been a year now and it is starting to get to me.  He says that he has to find the horny but makes no effort I can see.

I honestly don't know if I can go on with this.  We are not a couple in the sense I need, we are friends that live together and share a bed, that is all.  I cuddle and kiss most of my friends, I even tell them I love them because I do.  But I give so much to this relationship, have opened myself to him and I get nothing back other than a friend to clean up after who helps with a few of the bills.

I am going to meet Kitten at lunch, I think I need another perspective on this.  I don't know if I am thinking straight or not, I feel on the edge of tears all the damn time today, I hate feeling like this, but I need to get it all straight in my head before I say anything.

Maybe I need to send him home for a few days to give myself some room to think properly.