Weekly Ponderings

Well I have got through another week and I have to admit that it does seem to be getting easier to cope day to day. I don't know if it is the drugs kicking in (they reckon this takes 4-6 weeks so probably not) or if using this new method of thinking I am trying is having an affect.

I am trying 2 of the principles of the FISH philosophy at the moment:

1. Choose your attitude - For me it is about choosing to let the depression get the better of me, or choosing to try and find the best in every moment. I know that I will/am having moments where it will get the better of me but I have to learn to recognise them and then turn it all around and find the best in the situation.

2. Be present - This is about giving your full attention to everything you are doing, be it somethign important like dealing with a client, or simple like answering a question someone has asked. You need to be fully present in all situation, give the situation/person your full attention.

Following these at work this week I have been more productive than I have been for ages and I have been able to deal with all the crap that they have thrown at me. The systems have faulted out, I have had to deal with 'urgent' work from the IT morons at Head Office, I was put on Helldesk but I have been able to deal with it all.

I will admit that it was a hard week, I had my moments where I thought I was going to break again but I just went out walking and chilled out and got on with it. Shall have to see how this goes but it is looking up.....

Well we went to The Attic last night for the Elektric or Treat party. I was a bit nervous about going as it was the first time I was going to see Al and Jo properly together. But it was surprisingly easy, tbh not that much was different between me and Al but I knew that from the other night anyway.

It was harder to see Jo as she found me in the loo's early on and we had a chat and she seemed really emotional, kinda got to me cos I do miss her so much.... But she is going to pop round one day soon to watch Twilight as she is going to come to the cinema with me and Kat to watch New Moon when it comes out.

Watching Maddie and Trustee do the violet wand demo was good fun, and I got a lil bit of zappage but I only did a bit as there were lots of people there that had never had the experience. Though I did get to kiss Maddie when she was live and that was really cool, I got a shock and then this metallic taste... and my whole tongue was tingling afterwards.

From about 11pm I was sat round the corner in the chill out area with Faulkner as I just wanted to relax and I was sitting in the corner of the sofa with my feet up on the arm of the one in front and he was running his fingers up and down my leg trying to tickle me and damn if it didn't tickle like mad.... But I worked on resisting it and by the time we moved at 1ish he was having to tickle my ears as I had managed to block the sensation/reaction in just about everywhere else.

Though while he was trying to get me to squirm he ran his hand over my neck and I couldn't help my reaction, and of course he noticed and carried on, but then he noticed that if he ran his whole hand round my throat and pressed that I kinda enjoyed that even more... So he started playing like that even more and apparently I was making cute little noises, I honestly couldn't say if I was or not as I was just melting into the sofa.... breathe play *nummy*.....