Celtic Card Spread with 4 Card Additonal Readers Fan
Card 1 : Present : 4 of Pentacles
Hanging back emotionally in a situation
Card 2 : Influences : The Lovers
Rather obvious at the moment I think....
Card 3 : Your Thoughts : The Devil
Being in a situation that is dragging you down
Card 4 : Immediate Past : 9 of Pentacles
Financial independance
Card 5 : Your Thoughts : King of Cups
Kind and loyal person
Card 6 : Immediate Future : King of Swords
A man who is strong, logical and just
Card 7 : Fears : Ace of Pentacles
Cash
Card 8 : Environmental Factors : 3 of Wands
Progress being made towards a goal
Card 9 : Hopes : The Star
Harmony in a new relationship
Card 10 : Outcome : The Chariot
Triumph. Internal conflict that needs to be controlled.
Additional Cards
Card 11 : The Moon : Highly charged emotions
Card 12 : 8 of Pentacles : New employment
Card 13 : Knight of Pentacles : A man who is just and reliable
Card 14 : 4 of Swords : Time to recoup is needed
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Saturday, 24 October 2009
It's Complicated
Title says it all....
Over the last week or so I have been playing with Faulkner and I have got some lovely markings from it all and it has been soooo much fun.
But my brain is still trying to process it all and I have to admit that it is baffling me a bit. I know that we have a good relationship, he has been there for me through so much crap since mum died and I can be totally myself around him but is this playing going to wreck all of that or will it improve on what we have at the moment.......
But I have to admit that the play that we have been doing has been a lot of fun and yeah we are both learning but I am enjoying all that we are learning, he has had me blissed out and super relaxed a couple of times.... but wibble.... brain is melting....
Over the last week or so I have been playing with Faulkner and I have got some lovely markings from it all and it has been soooo much fun.
But my brain is still trying to process it all and I have to admit that it is baffling me a bit. I know that we have a good relationship, he has been there for me through so much crap since mum died and I can be totally myself around him but is this playing going to wreck all of that or will it improve on what we have at the moment.......
But I have to admit that the play that we have been doing has been a lot of fun and yeah we are both learning but I am enjoying all that we are learning, he has had me blissed out and super relaxed a couple of times.... but wibble.... brain is melting....
Friday, 16 October 2009
*bounce*
*bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce*
Sooooo happy and bouncy today, not sure why but am sitting in the office bouncing all over the place. Not sure if it is the happy pills from the doc kicking in at last or the orange juice I have been drinking all week that has done this to me but I like it. I have not been in a mood this good for months......
Am also in serious lust for a sofa I have seen in the Co-op with Kat this lunch, now I just need to find the £1500 that I need to buy it :( May have to go and get dad to come to lunch with me and see if he will lend me the cash to buy it with.....
Sooooo happy and bouncy today, not sure why but am sitting in the office bouncing all over the place. Not sure if it is the happy pills from the doc kicking in at last or the orange juice I have been drinking all week that has done this to me but I like it. I have not been in a mood this good for months......
Am also in serious lust for a sofa I have seen in the Co-op with Kat this lunch, now I just need to find the £1500 that I need to buy it :( May have to go and get dad to come to lunch with me and see if he will lend me the cash to buy it with.....
Thursday, 15 October 2009
WTF??
OK something is odd in the world.... all of a sudden on FL I have men messaging me!!! And they have all seen my fat ass in the pics I have on my profile.... I don't get it.... But then I think I am a giant fat heifer moo, apparently I am not but *shrugs*
But 3 in the last week!?!?!?
But 3 in the last week!?!?!?
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Sooooo Tired
I am sooooo tired this week, not sure why as I am sleeping quite well for once but don't seem to be able to shake being knackered.... I am assuming that it is a side affect of the anti depressents but I just want to feel awake for a while....
Oh well I guess it could be worse....
Oh well I guess it could be worse....
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Weekly Ponderings
Well I have got through another week and I have to admit that it does seem to be getting easier to cope day to day. I don't know if it is the drugs kicking in (they reckon this takes 4-6 weeks so probably not) or if using this new method of thinking I am trying is having an affect.
I am trying 2 of the principles of the FISH philosophy at the moment:
1. Choose your attitude - For me it is about choosing to let the depression get the better of me, or choosing to try and find the best in every moment. I know that I will/am having moments where it will get the better of me but I have to learn to recognise them and then turn it all around and find the best in the situation.
2. Be present - This is about giving your full attention to everything you are doing, be it somethign important like dealing with a client, or simple like answering a question someone has asked. You need to be fully present in all situation, give the situation/person your full attention.
Following these at work this week I have been more productive than I have been for ages and I have been able to deal with all the crap that they have thrown at me. The systems have faulted out, I have had to deal with 'urgent' work from the IT morons at Head Office, I was put on Helldesk but I have been able to deal with it all.
I will admit that it was a hard week, I had my moments where I thought I was going to break again but I just went out walking and chilled out and got on with it. Shall have to see how this goes but it is looking up.....
Well we went to The Attic last night for the Elektric or Treat party. I was a bit nervous about going as it was the first time I was going to see Al and Jo properly together. But it was surprisingly easy, tbh not that much was different between me and Al but I knew that from the other night anyway.
It was harder to see Jo as she found me in the loo's early on and we had a chat and she seemed really emotional, kinda got to me cos I do miss her so much.... But she is going to pop round one day soon to watch Twilight as she is going to come to the cinema with me and Kat to watch New Moon when it comes out.
Watching Maddie and Trustee do the violet wand demo was good fun, and I got a lil bit of zappage but I only did a bit as there were lots of people there that had never had the experience. Though I did get to kiss Maddie when she was live and that was really cool, I got a shock and then this metallic taste... and my whole tongue was tingling afterwards.
From about 11pm I was sat round the corner in the chill out area with Faulkner as I just wanted to relax and I was sitting in the corner of the sofa with my feet up on the arm of the one in front and he was running his fingers up and down my leg trying to tickle me and damn if it didn't tickle like mad.... But I worked on resisting it and by the time we moved at 1ish he was having to tickle my ears as I had managed to block the sensation/reaction in just about everywhere else.
Though while he was trying to get me to squirm he ran his hand over my neck and I couldn't help my reaction, and of course he noticed and carried on, but then he noticed that if he ran his whole hand round my throat and pressed that I kinda enjoyed that even more... So he started playing like that even more and apparently I was making cute little noises, I honestly couldn't say if I was or not as I was just melting into the sofa.... breathe play *nummy*.....
I am trying 2 of the principles of the FISH philosophy at the moment:
1. Choose your attitude - For me it is about choosing to let the depression get the better of me, or choosing to try and find the best in every moment. I know that I will/am having moments where it will get the better of me but I have to learn to recognise them and then turn it all around and find the best in the situation.
2. Be present - This is about giving your full attention to everything you are doing, be it somethign important like dealing with a client, or simple like answering a question someone has asked. You need to be fully present in all situation, give the situation/person your full attention.
Following these at work this week I have been more productive than I have been for ages and I have been able to deal with all the crap that they have thrown at me. The systems have faulted out, I have had to deal with 'urgent' work from the IT morons at Head Office, I was put on Helldesk but I have been able to deal with it all.
I will admit that it was a hard week, I had my moments where I thought I was going to break again but I just went out walking and chilled out and got on with it. Shall have to see how this goes but it is looking up.....
Well we went to The Attic last night for the Elektric or Treat party. I was a bit nervous about going as it was the first time I was going to see Al and Jo properly together. But it was surprisingly easy, tbh not that much was different between me and Al but I knew that from the other night anyway.
It was harder to see Jo as she found me in the loo's early on and we had a chat and she seemed really emotional, kinda got to me cos I do miss her so much.... But she is going to pop round one day soon to watch Twilight as she is going to come to the cinema with me and Kat to watch New Moon when it comes out.
Watching Maddie and Trustee do the violet wand demo was good fun, and I got a lil bit of zappage but I only did a bit as there were lots of people there that had never had the experience. Though I did get to kiss Maddie when she was live and that was really cool, I got a shock and then this metallic taste... and my whole tongue was tingling afterwards.
From about 11pm I was sat round the corner in the chill out area with Faulkner as I just wanted to relax and I was sitting in the corner of the sofa with my feet up on the arm of the one in front and he was running his fingers up and down my leg trying to tickle me and damn if it didn't tickle like mad.... But I worked on resisting it and by the time we moved at 1ish he was having to tickle my ears as I had managed to block the sensation/reaction in just about everywhere else.
Though while he was trying to get me to squirm he ran his hand over my neck and I couldn't help my reaction, and of course he noticed and carried on, but then he noticed that if he ran his whole hand round my throat and pressed that I kinda enjoyed that even more... So he started playing like that even more and apparently I was making cute little noises, I honestly couldn't say if I was or not as I was just melting into the sofa.... breathe play *nummy*.....
Friday, 9 October 2009
Hmmmm
Well end of the first week back at work and I have to admit that I am totally knackered, it is only 8.30 and I could happily go to bed and sleep... may well do that soon and damn the time...
The week hasn't been too bad, just been getting through it more than anything, have had really down moments, manic moments and crazy moments but overall they have kind of blended into a 'meh' week. But hey at least I am getting out of bed and interacting with the rest of the world...
Went to see Al on Weds and gave him the keys etc back, went surprisingly well. It was like nothing had happened. We sat and chatted, at least we did once we had spent 20mins calming Jesse down....
Got all the shiny new pc's at work today too, morons didn't install Citrix on any of the 18 machines though *growls* so we have only managed to get 10 of them set up today, but will be doing the rest on Monday.
The week hasn't been too bad, just been getting through it more than anything, have had really down moments, manic moments and crazy moments but overall they have kind of blended into a 'meh' week. But hey at least I am getting out of bed and interacting with the rest of the world...
Went to see Al on Weds and gave him the keys etc back, went surprisingly well. It was like nothing had happened. We sat and chatted, at least we did once we had spent 20mins calming Jesse down....
Got all the shiny new pc's at work today too, morons didn't install Citrix on any of the 18 machines though *growls* so we have only managed to get 10 of them set up today, but will be doing the rest on Monday.
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