Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
I am expected to communicate verbally in the first instance and then written if I need to explain further..
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Thursday, 17 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 17
What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
For me to submit to someone I have to trust them. I have played someone that does not use safewords as they are very good at reading their bottoms body language etc. Without trusting him I would never have been able to play with him, I know that he sometimes scares me witless and is an edge player but I trust him to know when to stop.
For me to submit to someone I have to trust them. I have played someone that does not use safewords as they are very good at reading their bottoms body language etc. Without trusting him I would never have been able to play with him, I know that he sometimes scares me witless and is an edge player but I trust him to know when to stop.
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 16
Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?
I has indeed, each relationship has bought out a new side of my submission.
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
It definately depends on the person for me.
I has indeed, each relationship has bought out a new side of my submission.
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
It definately depends on the person for me.
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Introverts
I didn't write this, Jerry Brito did. I love it!
TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
Monday, 14 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 15
Has your submission evolved over time?
Most definately
If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
I was initially attracted to the lifestyle as a form of foreplay, it almost always led to sex. However over the last 3 years as sex has been pretty much off the menu I have found that I have a taste for some of the more extreme forms of edgeplay. I like sharp and pointy things, I like not being able to breath and am curious about branding...
Most definately
If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
I was initially attracted to the lifestyle as a form of foreplay, it almost always led to sex. However over the last 3 years as sex has been pretty much off the menu I have found that I have a taste for some of the more extreme forms of edgeplay. I like sharp and pointy things, I like not being able to breath and am curious about branding...
Sunday, 13 May 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 14
Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
Definately not... I am Pagan and he is Agnostic.
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
I am not really familiar with religious submission other than the traditional christian wedding vow type of obidence/submission between husband and wife.
Definately not... I am Pagan and he is Agnostic.
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
I am not really familiar with religious submission other than the traditional christian wedding vow type of obidence/submission between husband and wife.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Protection
I don't usually make a big deal about what is on my Fetlife profile but sometimes I get a message from someone that just makes me want to rant... and I got one recently and it has been simmering at the back of my mind....
IdiotDom (as he shall be known) sent me a message out of the blue to tell me that there was no way that I could possibly be in a position to have Myou under my protection... WTF!!! We had never had any previous correspondence, he lives on another continent and his profile is one of those lovely ones with no info, no pics... basically a troll who likes to poke people to get a reaction. So I replied telling him to shove it and then blocked him and deleted the mail as I do for all randoms....
But it has made me think about what it all means to me. You see it pop up in the feed that person x is under the protection of person y or vice versa but no-one ever questions what this means. I think for me with Myou it is not something I am always conscious that I am doing, I have known him for nearly 16 years now and he has always needed looking after and protection as he is such a submissive that sometimes he doesn't know when to stand up for himself and sometimes is slightly afraid to as he worries about what people will think of him.
But I like to think that he knows that regardless of the situation that all he needs to do is come to me and I will be there for him. Be it physically putting myself into the situation to stop something happening, to shield him from something/someone, to negotitate something, as a comforting hand to hold or as has happened more recently as a keyholder in case he does something stupid and loses his master keys to the collar and cuffs. Or be it mentally, knowing that whatever happens I will not judge him, take the mick and laugh my ass off at him, sometimes yes, but never judge.
So back to 'IdiotDom', how the hell could he presume to know if I can or cannot protect my friend. It was something we decided between us and we both understand what it means to us and I will admit that sometimes it can be hard, knowing when to step in or when to make a decision he asks for or when to force him to make it himself, but we muddle along. He is mine to protect, poke, tease and look after, I can share and will be over the moon when he finds his special person(s) but until then I am the only one allowed to be mean to him without his permission, because he knows that I will never intentionally hurt him, embarrass yes, hurt no.
I also like to think that the people I have made friends with in scene know that they are welcome to come to me also, yes I am shy and not particularly social but I will always offer my arm to my friends that need it. I guess it is something that I was taught at a young age by hanging around too many forces guys, I was always told that if someone/something was bothering me that I was to find someone I trusted and tap them on the arm and ask for their arm, and then slide my arm through theirs. It was a universal but unwritten code for 'help me/protect me' and even if it was not obvious what was wrong I knew that whoever had offered their arm would be there for me.
Okay rant mostly over.... for now...
IdiotDom (as he shall be known) sent me a message out of the blue to tell me that there was no way that I could possibly be in a position to have Myou under my protection... WTF!!! We had never had any previous correspondence, he lives on another continent and his profile is one of those lovely ones with no info, no pics... basically a troll who likes to poke people to get a reaction. So I replied telling him to shove it and then blocked him and deleted the mail as I do for all randoms....
But it has made me think about what it all means to me. You see it pop up in the feed that person x is under the protection of person y or vice versa but no-one ever questions what this means. I think for me with Myou it is not something I am always conscious that I am doing, I have known him for nearly 16 years now and he has always needed looking after and protection as he is such a submissive that sometimes he doesn't know when to stand up for himself and sometimes is slightly afraid to as he worries about what people will think of him.
But I like to think that he knows that regardless of the situation that all he needs to do is come to me and I will be there for him. Be it physically putting myself into the situation to stop something happening, to shield him from something/someone, to negotitate something, as a comforting hand to hold or as has happened more recently as a keyholder in case he does something stupid and loses his master keys to the collar and cuffs. Or be it mentally, knowing that whatever happens I will not judge him, take the mick and laugh my ass off at him, sometimes yes, but never judge.
So back to 'IdiotDom', how the hell could he presume to know if I can or cannot protect my friend. It was something we decided between us and we both understand what it means to us and I will admit that sometimes it can be hard, knowing when to step in or when to make a decision he asks for or when to force him to make it himself, but we muddle along. He is mine to protect, poke, tease and look after, I can share and will be over the moon when he finds his special person(s) but until then I am the only one allowed to be mean to him without his permission, because he knows that I will never intentionally hurt him, embarrass yes, hurt no.
I also like to think that the people I have made friends with in scene know that they are welcome to come to me also, yes I am shy and not particularly social but I will always offer my arm to my friends that need it. I guess it is something that I was taught at a young age by hanging around too many forces guys, I was always told that if someone/something was bothering me that I was to find someone I trusted and tap them on the arm and ask for their arm, and then slide my arm through theirs. It was a universal but unwritten code for 'help me/protect me' and even if it was not obvious what was wrong I knew that whoever had offered their arm would be there for me.
Okay rant mostly over.... for now...
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